Have you ever noticed that little voice in your head that points out every flaw, replays every awkward moment, and tells you you’re “not enough”? That’s your inner critic—and it can feel relentless.
The truth is, that voice isn’t trying to hurt you. It started as a protector: keeping you small so you wouldn’t get rejected, keeping you perfect so you’d finally feel loved. But somewhere along the way, it forgot to update its job description. Now it just exhausts you.
I see this every week in my counselling office. Wonderful, capable people who genuinely believe they’re the problem because their mind won’t stop criticising them. If that sounds familiar, please know: you’re not broken, and you’re not alone.
Here are four gentle, evidence-based ways I help clients turn the volume down on self-criticism (and they really do work):
- Name it to tame it Give your inner critic a nickname (mine is “Karen from 2012”). When the harsh thoughts come, say out loud or in your head, “Oh, there’s Karen again.” Naming creates a tiny bit of distance—it reminds you that you are not the thought; you’re the one noticing it.
- Ask: “Would I say this to someone I love?” Most of us would never dream of speaking to a friend the way we speak to ourselves. Try writing down the critical thought, then rewrite it as if you were saying it to someone you care about deeply. The difference is usually startling—and healing.
- Collect evidence like a loving detective Keep a running note on your phone titled “Proof I’m actually okay.” Every day, add one small thing you did well or one kind thing someone said. Over time, your brain starts to balance the evidence instead of only filing reports under “failure.”
- Practice self-compassion breaks (3 minutes can change everything) Place a hand on your heart, take a slow breath, and say quietly: “This is hard right now. It’s okay to struggle. I’m here for myself.” Dr. Kristin Neff’s research shows this simple practice lowers cortisol and activates the same soothing system that gets triggered when someone we love comforts us.
You deserve the same kindness you so freely give others. Turning down the inner critic isn’t about silencing it forever—it’s about teaching it to speak with the gentleness you’ve always deserved.
If self-doubt has been loud for a long time, you don’t have to quiet it alone. I’m here, and I’d be honoured to help. Reach out anytime for a free 15-minute consultation. You matter exactly as you are.